When I was young,and dating someone serious for the first time, I didn’t have access to good internet resources to help me decide if I was in a healthy relationship.   I was so naïve!

Even though I’m happily married now, I still read all the quizzes and blogs just to see if there was something that I could have learned the first time around.  All the articles circulating around I have seen, really haven’t hit the nail on the head.  Today my husband and I came up with subjects/topics that you either should talk about or understand before you get married.  These aren’t in any particular order, just areas to consider.

WHERE YOU WILL LIVE – Being within 2 hours of my parents was important to me.  Do you like where you are living now?   Is there a place that makes you super happy?   Where you live can affect your overall mood.  Finding a town that provides what you both like to do is important.  We like good restaurants and culture with lots to do.  Our dream is to move to Charleston one day.

MONEY – Are you a spender or a saver?  Until you are married it’s hard to predict this one.  Be very careful of someone who has lots of credit card debt.  This show you that they are unable to live within their means, and their mismanagement will become a big issue when you marry.  When I married the first time, he brought $10,000 of credit card debt to the plate.  It took us 9 years to pay it off.

KIDS – Do you want kids?  What is your time-table to have kids?  I had a friend, who got married at 38.  She wanted to have kids right away and her husband didn’t want any, ever.  How did they miss this conversation?  They later divorced over this.

HAPPINESS – When you are dating you should feel very happy because you are both at the “top of your game”.  Maybe you see signs of depression, which becomes a bigger issue when you get married.  Don’t be afraid to seek counselling to understand what is going on.

VACATIONS – What is your idea of a good vacation? Going to see family?  Going with your friends?   Beware of someone who would rather do a trip with their friends than be with you.  When you are dating, it is natural to want to be together ALOT! Also balanced time as a couple and friends is healthy.

DRINKING – Do you both like to party responsibly? As a couple, are you in agreement of how much is enough?  This can be the source of many heartaches, divorces and breakups.

EDUCATION – Is a College education important to you?   My first husband didn’t go to college and it was a source of resentment. Just be aware of the imbalance it can cause.

CAREER – Do you have a job or career?  Even though my ex didn’t go to college, he always had a career and was goal driven.  While you are in the stage of life trying to figure out who you are or you are currently in school, this is not the ideal time to get married.

SPECIAL OCCASIONS – Are anniversaries, birthdays, valentine’s special to you?  They are to me.  You need to make sure you needs are being met.   You need to feel loved and valued.

PETS – Are you a dog person or a cat person?  Dogs and cats can live 10-20 years.  This actually became a problem with my marriage now.  I had pressure to get a dog for my son.  It was a bigger commitment then I realized.  The dog brought more stress and work than he brought us joy.  Make sure you are in agreement before you add a pet.

CHURCH – Is religion important to either one of you or your families? My ex was Catholic and I was Methodist. I converted to Catholicism so we could go to church as a family.  This area can cause major issues especially after you have kids together.

TRUST – This is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship.  My first time around, while we were dating, there were times he “fell off the grid” and much later I learned that he was cheating on me.  Surprise, my 13 year marriage ended with infidelity right when we had our last baby.  Today I am much happier, and calmer because I know that I’m with someone that values trust and would never consider or tolerate cheating, ever.  Listen to your gut always!

This list isn’t all inclusive, it is designed to get you thinking.  It is important not to get married just because “you are at that age”, “all your friends are getting married”, or you think you are in love.  You should really take your time getting to know one another.  If there is something that gets on your nerves now while you are dating, it will only be 10 fold later.

If you are with the wrong person now, you are keeping yourself distracted from finding the right person.  Get out of a unhealthy relationship and try to find someone that meets your needs and makes you happy.  This is a lifelong commitment you are making.  Don’t rush!