Being a single mom proved to be very challenging. Although there were times I was frustrated and angry, it was my job to figure it out.

Things I took for granted like taking the kids to school was hard. I had to wake up & load the two babies in the car to drive across town. It was exhausting!

Going to school events was painful. Instead of showing up feeling like the mom who had it together with the cute little babies, I felt like the sad mom straddled with four kids. I had to power through this idea of what others thought of me and appear stronger than felt inside.

The attempt to co-parent was a failure, it was clear I was on my own. I had all the equipment to do this, a double stroller, a suburban, pack n plays, and more. It just required patience and energy. I can picture myself trying to open that cumbersome double stroller with one hand trying not to scream & toss it in the garbage.

I slept a lot during this stage and cried at night when the kids were sleeping. My best friend checked on me often. All I wanted to do was sleep, she seemed to catch me in the act. She helped me a lot and seriously kept me from sliding into depression. She was a true friend, and godsend.

When visitation started happening on the weekends, I thought this was going to be a welcome relief but it quickly fizzled. It changed from four kids to just the older two. My life was unpredictable and it made me frustrated.

This was a tricky time of my life, I refused to feel like a victim but had to move forward as a single mom with four kids. It was a challenge.

I was disappointed in myself because survival mode made me change as a mom. I had moved from the mom who took photos of everything, sent thank you notes methodically, updated baby books often, kept the boys active and had mommy baby play dates.

My photos from this time were super rare, I don’t remember writing in the baby books and I stopped writing thank you notes all together until just recently. I ended all the mommy baby groups. We were finishing up sports and Boy Scouts for the fall.

There was no need to pretend life was going to continue at this rate, it wasn’t possible.

I loved living in Mount Pleasant. I love the smell of the beach, hearing seagulls overhead, and the wonderful shopping as well as top notch restaurants. I loved the school the boys were going to. Our home had been renovated and almost perfect. We had friends and family we would miss. It was a really hard decision for me to leave.

I had to face the fact that I needed my parents and they were two hours away. At the end of the year, I decided to move back to Florence. We needed a fresh start, and I needed my mommy! The kids really needed a dad figure, I just couldn’t do it all as one parent.