The Trifecta of Christmas Miracles

Many years ago I was living the dream in Mt Pleasant, SC, finishing up renovations to our house, in a neighborhood known as “Old Hobcaw”.  I can still remember the sounds of the fog horns, the smells of the salt marsh and the swarm of mosquitos.

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We attended Stella Maris Catholic Church where all the kids were baptized, and we felt part of the parish family. Father McInerny’s sermons (homilies) were always spot on!

When Michael was 4, Dad camped out in order to get him in Christ our King Stella Maris Catholic School. Not only was it a great school but we had family there too! Aunt Mary worked in the office, and our nephews were there. We were thrilled when Hunter & his “cousin friend” Andrew had 5K together. I was a co-room mom with Aunt Mary.

During the school year, the boys played sports.

In the summer we were busy with summer birthday parties and the Hobcaw swim team.

We took many weekend family trips.

And spent vacations visiting family in Pensacola, Avalon, and Washington DC.

The kids loved celebrating Thanksgiving dressed in costume!

The Christmas Miracle of 1999

In the Bunch family, Bobby & his three siblings had large families. Lots of boys. Each time one of us was pregnant, we were hoping for a girl. I always dreamed to be the one to have that first girl! I was determined to figure this out and took up some serious research studying Chinese charts, books, and the internet. We decided to give it one more chance and were pregnant, due in May 2000. At this time the headcount of boys was 12.

At 35, you are considered an older mom and the doctors recommend that you have an amniocentesis test to screen for downs syndrome. As part of the procedure, they used a 3-D ultrasound and told us the baby was a girl. We both said “NO WAY”. When we explained in detail about the Bunch family track record, they suggested waiting for the lab results to confirm what they saw.  I will never forget when they called us and said no doubt about it, WE WERE HAVING A GIRL! A Christmas Miracle!

This was a really exciting Christmas as we told everyone the big news at school…

It was just the boost we needed to have a magical Christmas!

Right after Christmas, we had a new worry, Y2K. Our New Years was pretty uneventful except for dad and the boys setting the pine straw on fire with fireworks! The next day we were thrilled that the world didn’t come to an end. On New Year’s day, we drove to Disney World for a fun family vacation with my friend Susan and her kids!

Our magical vacation wore off quickly after we returned home. We continued to work well as parents but not so great as a couple. I often wondered how long we can continue like this. With another child on the way, I shifted my focus to repairing our marriage: I bought books, videos and found a marriage counselor. I just couldn’t face the truth.

Emma was born and the house exploded in pink. It was so much fun putting her in dresses and dreaming of putting bows in her hair. I would wonder whether she would take ballet lessons or soccer. What was life like now that I had a little girl? I had this boy mom thing down pat and was swimming in a brand new territory.

Life didn’t stop just because we had a baby, we were still busy with sailing regattas,  summer birthday parties, and more.

These events kept us distracted from the fact we were not getting along at all. I found myself alone more often and very angry. I literally couldn’t take it anymore and asked Bobby to move out. That day, I took all four kids to the neighborhood pool by myself!

Here I am with Emma wondering what I just did.

I was secretly hoping I would go home and he’d be there ready to work on our marriage. Instead, I found the house was quiet & empty.  He never came back. I seriously didn’t know what I was going to do, I was very sad and really scared.

Over the next few months, I had to realize that dad was starting his new life, we had to redefine ours. Depression set in like a warm winter blanket.

My best friend Vicky said “NO! You will not get depressed, not on my watch.” She called and came by the house to check on me several times a day. I had to face the fact that I was the pushover parent. Several times she had to come over to help me gain control of the boys. Their dad was normally the disciplinarian so this was a new role for me.

When Bevan turned two, I was barely functioning. It was hard for me to take photos, much less host a big family birthday party. Instead, I just called a few friends and made the best of his special day. Bevan didn’t realize the difference, but I sure did.

Hunter really loved Thanksgiving and invited both of us to go to the school event. The innocence in his face speaks volumes. He was so excited that we were both there but he didn’t understand why we weren’t back to normal and why everyone was so awkward.

The kids had lots of friends and were thriving in the school. It’s where they felt normal.

The memories of our family were all over the house which served as a painful daily reminder. I considered moving back to Florence. Taking the kids out of the only school they knew and loved, moving away from our best friends nearby was one of the hardest decisions of my life. I had to face the fact that I was in over my head alone with four kids, two in diapers. I desperately needed my parent’s help and it became the next logical step.

The Christmas Miracle of 2000

When I talked to my parents about moving home, they were super excited. I began searching for a new place for us and found a house in Grove Park; a neighborhood about 10 minutes from my parents. To my surprise, we lived right around the corner when I was Michael’s age. I had happy childhood memories and made lifetime friends when I lived here. I was super excited for my kids to grow up in this great place, I submitted an offer and they took it right away: A Christmas Miracle! Move in date February 1st.

We spent our first Christmas as a party of 5 at my parent’s house and we did the best we could to make it memorable for the kids.

Christmas ended with a shared stomach virus where Hunter famously said, “Nanny, I frew up in all my beds.”  At this point, we had overstayed our welcome and headed back to Mt. Pleasant to pack. I will never forget choking back my tears over this big decision because I knew I was going to miss my friends and my life in Charleston so much, but this was really better for the kids. They loved my parents and I needed my mommy.

I enrolled the boys in St Anthony’s Catholic school to start in January. This was the last photo taken in our old house. The boys were already in Florence and I was packing up the house with the two babies. When they napped, I packed!

Vicky was my lifesaver and came up to Florence help us get unpacked. When she left everything was organized and put away. She was amazing! It helped me power through as a single mom.  The new school was so close to our house, it made it easy for me to load all four kids in the car and get them to school on time. Everything we needed was close by. I was in survival mode but was set up for success!

The next step was to work on me. It was important for me to learn from my mistakes so I would not have to go through this again. I enrolled in a class, at a local church, called Divorce Care. Not only was it super helpful for my recovery, but it also gave me a group of friends to do stuff with.

During the summer, when the kids were at their dads’, I convinced a friend to go to a singles dance with me. At the beginning of the dance, they had a “clever” game designed for you to meet everyone in the room. I remember this one guy caught my eye. When the music started playing, I looked out on the dance floor and saw that cute guy dancing with someone else!!! My friend was ready to go so I took this as our sign to leave.

A month or so later, our Divorce Care Group met one night for dinner. We all agreed that in a small town like Florence, it’s hard to find fun things to do. I decided to make myself the “fun coordinator” so we had things to look forward to. One day I found that Edwin McCain was coming to play at RedBone Alley! I sent out a group email and at first, no one said they could go. A guy from my class added a few new names to the email list explaining these are some more single people that might be interested in joining.

Each time I found something fun, I emailed this group. This guy, Tim, kept responding that he had his kids. Finally, he emailed (just me) asking for my phone number so he could explain what was going on. When he called, he said his kids were moving to Sumter in the next few months and he was spending all his free time with them while they still lived in Florence. He didn’t want me to take it personally.

The Christmas Miracle of 2001

That phone call lasted for a few hours! I asked about his accent and learned he grew up in White Plains NY and I had heard of this town because it was near New City, NY, where we lived in the early ’70s. We moved to Florence after we lived here.

We talked about how hard it is to be single again. I told him all about this singles connection dance that I went to this past summer. I relived the story. He said, “Wait, I was there!” It turns out HE was the handsome guy that I met! He said that when the music started he got up to go over to my table to ask me to dance, but before he got to me, a girl he knew grabbed his arm to dance. Low and behold she just wanted to dance and wasn’t even there to meet someone because she already had a boyfriend. After he explained it, I was relieved. He told me that as soon as the song was over, he looked around and was disappointed that I was gone.

Once we “connected the dots,” we made plans to meet in person, just before Thanksgiving. We met at J Michaels for drinks. I remember that we had an instant connection. Since Tim’s family was so far away and he didn’t have his kids, I invited him to join our family feast but he already had plans with some friends in town.

Meanwhile, my family was so worried about me they planned a huge family Thanksgiving dinner to cheer me up. We had all of Charley’s family plus mine, a party of 14! No one had a clue I just met this sweet guy.

The next night Charley said, “hey sis let’s go out!” I immediately thought it would be so fun to invite Tim to join us. However, I had a big problem. I was in the “playing it cool” stage with Tim. I was paralyzed with fear to break my rule: “never call a guy.” I remember holding the phone and having to talk myself into dialing his number.  I finally thought, ” JUST DO IT! Take a chance!” I was so relieved with Tim’s reaction, he was genuinely excited, and couldn’t wait to see me again! PHEW!!

We went to Club 231 to dance and play pool. Our connection was undeniable. Tim got the stamp of approval from Charley, Sheila, and my babysitter, dear old dad. From that moment we were inseparable and so happy!

I had met Tim’s kids and he had met mine so it was time for our six kids to meet! We decided to have them meet on Christmas Day! As I was getting the house ready, I looked up at the ceiling and saw these gooey “sticky hands” dangling down from the tall vaulted ceiling of the dining room. I stood on my tippy toes on top of the table and stretched my arm as far as I could using a long grill fork. I was able to pull those things down. At the moment of victory, I also pulled a muscle from the base of my neck to my shoulder blade. I was in so much pain that I could not turn my head. I had no time to fix my issue and just carried on. This was no time to be in so much pain!

Tim spent Christmas Eve with us, we went to church and ate dinner at my parents. Afterward, we swung by Don & Bonnies so that I could meet them along with Bebe and Tom, I couldn’t turn my head or be myself. I was unusually quiet that night. His friends were a lot of fun and would later learn I was a lot of fun too!

We had to head home so Tim could help me assemble some toys. This was the Christmas I bought a lemonade stand for Michael. It was too late for Tim to intervene and get a better boy gift. We still laugh about that horrible gift that later Emma loved!

Anyway, that night Tim and I exchanged gifts. His gift was so kind and thoughtful. He knew that I needed time at the SPA so I could pamper myself! He didn’t realize that the SPA would be the place that ultimately fixed my neck problem. I was thrilled. Things felt so normal, so comfortable. Then he told me that it was the best Christmas he has ever had EVER. I totally felt the same way. That night was a Christmas miracle for me.

On Christmas day, we had our 6 kids meet! Tim gave each of the kids’ ornaments carefully picking things he thought they would be interested in. Tim knew Eleanor would be excited about having a little sister to play with, but he was not so sure about Brian. As you can see, the boys all got along perfectly!

Eleanor kept us all entertained with programs!

Tim and Emma had a special bond. He could understand her babytalk when others scratched their heads.

Eleanor got the baby sister she always wanted. They even looked like sisters!

In early January, Tim invited us over to cook Fajitas. During dinner, Hunter told us that he wanted us to get married so he and Brian could be brothers! We just smiled and looked at each other. We had already talked about taking things slow and doing it right. We got married after we dated almost three years. Here is our wedding party. In time, everyone got taller than Eleanor, except Emma.

Here is a mix of photos of us from when we met to more recent.

Hunter was the first one of our kids to get married and now have a sweet daughter in law, Sarah Ann.

This year will be our 18th Christmas together.

These 3 Christmas miracles were part of my journey. Raising a blended family is not for the faint of heart. As each one of our kids’ faces challenges, we rise up as parents as well as a family until they get to the other side. Each Christmas gives us a chance to remember how much we have all grown as a family and reflect on our blessings.